Baby Bear

Uncle Jeff asked me a while ago how I was going to handle leaving Caleb and I explained to him my practical approach to the whole thing.  First off, I’ve known all along I would only be staying for a year.  That means I have always tried to focus on the present and not on the future when it comes to Caleb.  Secondly, if I ever thought about staying longer I reminded myself that leaving a two year old would be so much harder on him. 

But, as the time gets closer (we started the nanny search yesterday) I realize that leaving my Baby Bear is going to be extremely hard.  A couple of nights ago I jerked awake, my heart pounding, from a dream that Caleb had fallen down the stairs.  I lay there and talked to myself, “He is in his crib.  He is not near the stairs.  He can’t get out.  Everything is OK.”  I do not like the thought of leaving him.

I am thankful that I have been able to be the one to cocoon Caleb’s first year in love and see Sally and Caleb become a family.    He is going to have a wonderful life, full of love, beauty and opportunity.  I am just a bit sad I will not be a part of it.